The Tale of the Two Creatures
by Niclaine
Summary: This is what happens when Gollum meets Dobby and switch bodies with one another. And we thought they were weird enough. There's also LotR stuff in here, but i could only put it under one category.
1. Dobby and Gollum meet The Matrix

THE TALE OF THE TWO CREATURES  
  
- Dobby and Gollum meet The Matrix -  
  
Post-2003 MTV Movie Awards, Los Angeles  
  
Dobby had been ducking under tables and avoiding being trampled by the actresses' freakishly pointy stilettos for an hour. He had wondered why in the world he decided to attend anyway. The invitation was rather pretty, he had to admit, but having already been stepped on twice, it was not worth it. He would much rather be washing pots back in Hogwarts.  
  
Three tables away, Dobby spotted Gollum. He stood and stared at the creature for what seemed like an hour, petrified. *Ahhh!* he thought, *Gollum does not like Dobby and thinks he is a f---ing f--! Dobby must run away!*  
  
With that, Dobby ducked under a table, but not in time. Gollum had already seen Dobby.  
  
"Dobby. we know you have the preciousss. get out here you *bleep*! . no, no. we must not talk to Dobby this way. Dobby is our friend. DOBBY IS A -"  
  
At that moment, Dobby appeared out of nowhere in front of Gollum. "Please, Mr. Gollum, Dobby means no harm. Dobby was trying to take the ring to save Mr. Gollum from the Dark Lord."  
  
Gollum's eyes narrowed. He was about to pounce on Dobby and rip out his throat when someone interrupted. "Uh. boys, sorry to bother you but Mr. Anderson here would like to say something." They looked up and saw Hugo Weaving standing next to them.  
  
"Elrond!" Gollum exclaimed.  
  
"Uh. well, I'm also known as Agent Smith, but I guess you haven't seen The Matrix since you've been living in a cave for a couple hundred years. You really should get out more, it's unhealthy to talk in third person all the time."  
  
Dobby and Gollum stared blankly at him.  
  
"So, as I was saying. ah, forget it." Hugo Weaving walked away, perhaps a little scared of Gollum after his "thank you speech".  
  
However, another tall figure was still standing near them.  
  
"Ahem."  
  
Gollum and Dobby looked up and gasped. "Keanu Reeves!" they said simultaneously.  
  
"NO! How is it that you recognize Hugo as Elrond and not me as Neo?!"  
  
"Dobby thinks it's the beard and the missing shades, sir."  
  
"Alright, then can you at least act like you think I am Neo?"  
  
"Yes. Preciousss."  
  
Keanu Reeves, or Neo, should we say, took a step back away from Gollum. He reached inside his pocket and pulled out four pills: two red and two blue. "You take the blue pill, and this story ends. You wake up in your bed and nothing happens. You take the red pill and stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."  
  
Gollum and Dobby looked at each other, both clearly confused. After a few moments, their faces lit up and said "Oh! I get it! It's Ecstasy!"  
  
Neo rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak. But before he could say anything, Gollum and Dobby have taken a red and blue pill each.  
  
"NO! YOU FOOLS! THAT'S NOT ECSTASY! What do I have to do to be listened to around here?!" With that, he disappeared back into the Matrix.  
  
The two creatures looked at each other and shrugged.  
  
"Whatever," said Gollum. "We're going to party the night away, we've got not time to argue with a *bleep* *bleep*. We'll find the preciousss. and you will pay for it!" He turned and left Dobby.  
  
Dobby eventually grew tired of dodging peopple's feet and made his way back to Hogwarts, completely forgetting about the pills that he swallowed.  
  
~ N.B. Flamers will be used to burn (some of) my teachers in hell. (Or they can roast my marshmallows, too.) This is my first fanfic, constructive criticism is welcome, but please be respectful. Thanks. =) 


	2. The Switch Gollum

THE TALE OF THE TWO CREATURES  
  
- The Switch (Gollum) -  
  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, England  
  
"Where's we?! We've been kidnapped! Oooh, my head!" exclaimed Gollum when he finally woke up. He had a wicked hangover from last night's party. It was rather strange for him to wake up and find himself surrounded by 4 brick walls.  
  
Gollum leapt out of his bed and looked around. There were others there! Other creatures that looked strangely like that f------ f--, Dobby.  
  
"Ahhh!" he screamed. The others jumped up and looked around.  
  
"What's the matter, Dobby?" one of the creatures said.  
  
"Dobby?!" Gollum spat. "We's much better-looking than that *bleep*! How dare you compare us with him?! .But Dobby is our friend.Dobby likes us. For the last time, you don't HAVE any friends!"  
  
The creature gave him a strange look. "Dobby, are you sick? Are you feeling alright?" It moved to place a hand on Gollum's forehead.  
  
"GAH! Get away from us, you sickly creature!" Gollum leapt back from the Dobby look-alike.  
  
"Dobby, it's Winky!"  
  
"Winky! HAHA! We thinks it's a funny name! HAHA!" A hurt expression spread onto Winky's face.  
  
"Tell usss.where are we?!" Gollum hissed.  
  
"Dobby--" Winky began, and cringed when Gollum shot her a venomous glare. "Er...whoever you are, sir, you are in Hogwarts."  
  
"Hogwarts?" The name sounded strangely familiar to Gollum. "Where on Middle Earth is that?!"  
  
"Middle who? This is Hogwarts, er, sir, where Dobby and Winky live. In England, sir."  
  
At that moment, sunlight slowly crept into the room through the small, pane- less window in the wall. Winky's eyes suddenly widened, if that is possible, and she exclaimed, "Oh no! We've got to go, NOW!"  
  
With that, Winky grabbed Gollum's wrist and half-dragged him out of the room. She sped through the halls, with Gollum flying behind her like a banner on an airplane. They traveled through the corridors at top speed and stopped in front of a big door. Winky tickled a pear in the fruit bowl in front of the door. The door swung open and there in front of them was the Hogwarts' kitchen. A rather homely looking house elf scurried up to them.  
  
"Well, well, Winky and Dobby late! You will have to clean Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, now that all the other jobs are taken! Better get going!"  
  
"Oh, no! We've got the worst job in this place!"  
  
Before Gollum could respond, Winky once again dragged him down the halls and stopping only to get mops and buckets. Gollum wondered what "Moaning Myrtle's bathroom" is, but Winky did not give him a chance to ask. Finally, they arrived at this much dreaded place. Winky pushed a very confused, wide-eyed (must be very freaky-looking) Gollum inside the bathroom.  
  
Once inside, Gollum came face to face with a very large mirror. There, in his place, was Dobby!  
  
"AHHHHHH!"  
  
Gollum gingerly touched his face, and the reflection did the same. He turned around to see if Gollum was behind him, but only Winky was there. Getting desperate, he checked his fingers to see if he accidentally put on the One Ring, but, obviously, it wasn't there.  
  
Gollum was flabbergasted. He stood and stared at the mirror for what seemed like an hour. Then, as if suddenly remembering his voice, he screamed.  
  
"No! No! No! I'M that *bleep*, Dobby! AHHHHHH!!!"  
  
A/N: Pleeeeeeease review! Tell me what you think! Anything! Well, almost anything. (I still stand by what I said about flamers in the previous chapter) Wow, I haven't updated in ages, but I'm going to catch up on my spare time! (What spare time?) OK, I'm going to stop talking to myself now, and you will all review, right? =D 


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